Qorong'i

Can You Be In Love With Multiple People?

Jubilee
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Is it possible to love more than one person? What roles do jealousy and attraction play in relationships? What makes a relationship work? We brought polyamorous and monogamous people together to discuss their beliefs on love. SUBSCRIBE for more! 👉bit.ly/SUBSCRIBEjubilee 👈
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Hordiq

Joylandi

 

22-Apr, 2018

jubileejubilee mediajubilee projectblind devotionlove languagemiddle groundpolyamorouspolyamorymonogamousmonogamymarriagerelationshipsdatingopen relationshipmultiple partnersbeing in loveromancedebatebeliefsopen discussionopen relationshipsnon-monogamycommon grounddiscussionshan boodyshannon boodramopen marriagedating adviceis polyamory right for youis monogamy naturalswingingrelationship advicehappily marriedpros and cons

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Ajla Kelestura
Ajla Kelestura Soat oldin
That black woman is so pretty her eyes are perfect💕
Cameron Curtis
Cameron Curtis 11 soat oldin
At this point in my life, I wouldn't be comfortable with a polyamorous relationship (might change later, who knows), but I also understand why people would want polyamorous relationships. Just not for me, I guess.
Martin Ren
Martin Ren 16 soat oldin
awesome video
Park Noah
Park Noah 19 soat oldin
I think polyamory and monogamy are both fine. Just don't force your opinions on others
Noctem Effugiō
Noctem Effugiō Kun oldin
This was a really wonderful discussion. You put together a really beautiful gradient of people and experiences here.
Aldy R.D.
Aldy R.D. Kun oldin
the only thing I couldn't understand, it's why if it is so important the primary relationship ,they have to have a second that could not be stable. why been afraid of hive everything to one relationship? or what makes the difference of been the primary and the second relationship?
Pricilla Montgomery
I’m seeing a lot of hate being thrown at the poly people and one thing I see a lot is “being polyamorous is just an excuse to be a cheat”. While yes, sex is one of the primary factors of being polyamorous, what people don’t understand is there is a THICK line of consent drawn before anything even starts. My husband and I have been married for 4 years strong and before we even started becoming open, we spent hours setting rules of what’s allowed and what isn’t allowed. Cheating is when someone goes behind your back and does something THEY know YOU won’t be okay with. When my husband or I go out to meet someone, we tell the other who we’re meeting, where we’re meeting, what time we’ll be home, etc. There are no secrets kept between us and I think that’s why most monogamous relationships fail; because they’re afraid of hurting their partner so much so that they sneak around. Another thing I saw being thrown around is “it’s impossible to love more than one person”. Yes, it most certainly is. I could never EVER love ANYONE like how I love my husband. My husband is my partner, my soulmate, my forever person. Let me ask you this, do you have a celebrity crush? Is there someone you work with that you find sexually attractive? Say you had the opportunity to have sex or even an intimate moment with that coworker or celebrity or barista down the street. Even if you two have sex, they don’t know your dreams. They don’t know your ambitions. They don’t know that your favorite smell is grass after a rainstorm or that you like to dance in your underwear when you have the house to yourself. The people I have sex with are just that: people I have sex with. They’re not going to be there for me when I’m sick or when I’m exhausted from a long day at work or when I need a shoulder to cry on when a loved one passes away. They’re not going to be with me 50 years down the road or holding my hand when I’m taking my last breath. Just because my husband and I can have sex with each other AS WELL as other people doesn’t mean the intimacy isn’t there. In fact, being open has made our relationship all the more stronger. Whether people understand that or not is there loss, but I know that we’re both happy and wouldn’t have things any other way. :)
Jay Waters
Jay Waters Kun oldin
Shoutout to all the monogamist people who are accepting of polyamory. It may not be for you but thank you for not being hateful. 💕💕
Mojisola-Gabrielle Obayanju
The red head girl put it beautifully
UsernamesForDummies
I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 10 years now. For health reasons, we don’t have an active sex life. Although that’s sad, that doesn’t mean that the deep love and tenderness we feel for each other isn’t enough. It hurts me a bit to hear that we should ‘just be friends’. If the love of your life had a terrible accident and lost all feelings from the neck down, would you leave? All of the people here are still relatively young. In their 40s/50s they might overthink the importance of sex for a beautiful relationship.
Ideliz Clarke
Ideliz Clarke Kun oldin
I feel like our primal instincts are to be polyamorous coming from our basic animalistic instinct to reproduce, however, because we have the ability to think and exercise self control, monogamy makes us more accountable for our actions in and outside of ourselves. There are valid points to each side and i understand both. I've entertained the idea of polyamory before but i just don't have it in me. I believe that there's something really special about knowing someone and them knowing you in such an intimate, vulnerable way that no one else does, and still choose that 1 person every time. Every one else serves different purposes in your life, ie; different friends for different reasons, but that 1 person gets to experience them all with you. I wish this segment was longer. I was really interested in the dialogue and the different perspectives. Great work.
Abigail walsh
Abigail walsh Kun oldin
The other two poly were clearly not in love
Eric Mihopoulos
Eric Mihopoulos Kun oldin
I connected to what all of these people said. I believe that a Monogamous relationship would be what’s best for my needs; having someone to love, having them think of me as their one, them just *being there for you always*. But I can also sympathise with Poly, if my boyfriend wanted it, and he communicated with me, told me what he wants and what his needs are, then I could be in a polyamorous relationship. I am open minded.
Dawn Bringer
Dawn Bringer Kun oldin
I can tell you from watching the red head I wouldn't want to be with her especially after the way she answers the questions about sex. Just from the surface the idea that if sexual interest is lost you should be friends. WHAT? Relationships are about a WHOLE fuckton more than sex.
Dawn Bringer
Dawn Bringer Kun oldin
It doesn't make any sense to me. I mean IMHO women in the modern world. the expectations on them in monogamous relationships are just out of this world. We uh... How do I put this... If I were into ONE woman I'd naturally want her to be my everything and I just.. I don't think women particularly in this hypercapitalist society we're living in have the Energy or the time to invest in that I watch A lot of Political News with my father- My mother binge watches crime dramas and lawyer shows and all sorts of other content with me. It's like that with romantic partners- It's like... I'm a fan of so much content and I can only expect some people to "Get it" and others not and nobody is into all the same things I am and so I have friends and partners who I play MUDS with or MMORPGs and I have friends I watch Anime with and so on and so forth and It strikes me that NONE of these people fulfill all of my needs but together they fulfill more of them than they would otherwise. I don't get why we expect people to love and date only one? I mean it's crazy. One Person is not going to fulfill every need more over it's unfair to expect them to.
Dawn Bringer
Dawn Bringer Kun oldin
One of the things that frustrates me is although those of you who argue that there's no such thing as unconditional romantic love may have a point I have found that my partner who is polyamorous is far less conditional than it would be otherwise. The Choice between being monogamous with her and polyamorous has literally between a choice between being in a relationship that was more conditional or less conditional in terms of the love that was given to me. Polyamorous love is at least relatively unconditional if not purely unconditional and I speak from experience because my lover loves me enough that If I got with another girl or got interested in another woman and started bonding with her and she broke my heart she would be there for me instead of throwing a huge fit about it. I know that about Lys. I know she would be there for me. So many people tell me they prefer monogamy and it baffles me because It's a simple choice between conditional love (monogamy) and relatively unconditional love (polyamory)... I always wanted to be loved uncondtiionally the way my mother loves me by ...a woman. I'll always run towards unconditionality.
Angela B
Angela B 2 kun oldin
i think the “sex is an important part of the relationship” did not bring up any asexual relationships and i’m honestly shocked about it i felt like they were uneducated about that
Alex David
Alex David 2 kun oldin
The guy in the black who was a monogamist was the true goat. He will have a great relationship. Admire him a lot and want a relationship like his
Alex David
Alex David 2 kun oldin
That black girl in the orange got absolutely schooled when she said monogamy was easy
Alex David
Alex David 2 kun oldin
Bro if u have side chicks along with ur wife that isn't love at all
Alex David
Alex David 2 kun oldin
Who else was dying to be in the convo, so me
Alicia Molloy
Alicia Molloy 2 kun oldin
I know they keep saying its not about sex, but both sides are. And both definitions ARE about sex.
Ryan
Ryan 3 kun oldin
Aliyah is hot, I'll be her one monogamous partner lol Edit: Turns out she's lesbian Hahha
xexx
xexx 3 kun oldin
Polyamory is just an excuse to fk around
Alicia Swanepoel
Alicia Swanepoel 3 kun oldin
That red haired girl was so intelligent
Ayakashi Ayaki
Ayakashi Ayaki 3 kun oldin
I'm just going to state my opinion here... When it comes to a lover/partner relationship no you can not love more than one person. Even if you try deep inside you'll always love one of them a lot more than the other. I can't stand poly relationships, it makes me feel so bad knowing that someone isn't getting the full amount of love they should be from their partner because their partner is giving it to multiple people.
Annabelle Browning
Annabelle Browning 3 kun oldin
This guy i talk to just came out to me as polyarmorous and i didnt really know how to react and then he told me about these other people he was talking to. ive grown to accept it and this video really helped. (ony thing is my friends thinks its cheating soo. also they wont listen when i say its not and when i try to explain what poly means, they say, "just stop i know im right". send help :'])
Rinel Levitin
Rinel Levitin 3 kun oldin
The guy who said he felt uncomfortable being attracted to others while in love with a person resonated with me so much. Unfortunately I feel like guys like him are becoming more and more rare these days :(
Bec
Bec 3 kun oldin
Soo you just constantly cheat on your "primary partner"?
ABeautyConnection
ABeautyConnection 3 kun oldin
I am in a monogamous relationship but I believe that monogamy is against human nature. Yet I do it because I want to be with my partner more than the urge to follow my nature! But I just wanna say about the guy not being attracted to other people while in his relationship. I TOTALLY GET IT, I experienced that with a partner I was so head over heels in love with I thought I was asexual other than him. Like other people seemed disgusting to me. I know it’s crazy but I’ve experienced it, so good for him he’s probably having so much fun in his relationship. Wholesome
nera gazzari
nera gazzari 3 kun oldin
I feel like you stop truly being jelous when you stop caring/care less. If u care fully, it would be weird if u werent jelous. Plus theres a difference between being jelous and worrying. In a relationship, my opinion is that people more than anything worry ab faithfulness of the other person rather than "oh ur giving her/him attention but not me". At least for me thats how it is
Livi B
Livi B 3 kun oldin
I love how mature and intellectual EVERYONE was in this video
Anya
Anya 3 kun oldin
Okay but why did the poly people see the mono people's words as jealousy. It simply is not. All they are saying is, if you love this other person more than me and they make you happy. Go be with them. I don't see any jealousy there, it is just saying to BE with the person that makes you the happiest. It is a sacrifice. Love is sacrifice. You can't just go around messing with all these different people bc you just aren't getting your fill. Nobody is perfect, and I think that's the flaw in being poly, you go around dating EVERYBODY bc you can't pick SOMEBODY. As a person who has being in many relationships with poly males, I hated it and felt as if I was never enough. In the end I just couldn't do it anymore bc every single time my poly partner hadn't told me about them having other partners until later in the relationship. It made me feel useless, as if I just wouldn't be enough for them. That no matter how hard I tried they would still go have sex with someone else bc I couldn't give them what THEY wanted. I just think both sides have a very toxic mindset "never being enough" and "I can just go find another".
kittysrock16
kittysrock16 3 kun oldin
We may have multiple friends, but there’s always a favorite. Compartmentalizing partners seems fucked up?? Like that one lady says she has different partners for different things?? Sounds selfish but go off
natsu mei
natsu mei 3 kun oldin
My my how modern this world is gettting ... there is a sect of people mow who believe in polygamy ??? I wish i were a swan ...
NatTheKiwi
NatTheKiwi 4 kun oldin
Oof so much debate in the comment section. In my opinion as long as your relationships are defined and all party members understand expectations and are happy doing things the way they want then I don’t see a problem in it. Unless of course they have kids in which case idk how’d people would go about doing that. I’m not sure if it’s healthy for a kid nor l do I know if it’s unhealthy.
Alyssa Mance
Alyssa Mance 4 kun oldin
theyre all the personalities of a los angeles sitcom
Lisa
Lisa 4 kun oldin
Red headed girl really stood out & made a lot of sense. Love her.
Taehyung’s NoseFreckle
Most people are monogamous because they are with someone that gives them everything they need and satisfies their needs.
Michal Cohen
Michal Cohen 4 kun oldin
I completely agree with that last point on the relationship being a separate entity.
Arely Garcia
Arely Garcia 4 kun oldin
I’m sorry but just the thought of my partner loving someone else it just doesn’t appeal to me
Dakota C
Dakota C 5 kun oldin
If you want to be with multiple people, do you. I'm not sharing nobody. Hell I can't even find one person.
Rowan Art
Rowan Art 5 kun oldin
To be honest, I don’t think there’s a middle ground to find here. It’s just preference. No right or wrong. Some people want to be with one person and one person only, some want to be with more. And that’s all alright, as long as your partner(s) agrees.
Edgelord_ ChemicalRomance
I think its amazing to be able to love more than one people, but its also amazing how you can love just one person for the rest of your life, you just need to love to love whoever you want
Jocelin Weiss
Jocelin Weiss 6 kun oldin
how did you guys find a poly person who is physically attractive? genuine question
Rachel Hodge
Rachel Hodge 6 kun oldin
The red head killed it!
Tiffany Wagoner
Tiffany Wagoner 6 kun oldin
i feel like i can see myself in all of them at different points in my life
Anarosa S
Anarosa S 6 kun oldin
Red HEAD!!! Efff it up!!
Amanda Peters
Amanda Peters 6 kun oldin
Whether you're Poly or Monogamous, she's right about jealousy. It's an insidious emotion that's destructive- at best. We don't allow in any other situation, we shouldn't allow in our relationship with our partners and certainly shouldn't be proud of it.
The Awful Truth
The Awful Truth 6 kun oldin
So basically this is "Hoes vs Faithful People"?
RayTheGay
RayTheGay 6 kun oldin
I’m poly while my boyfriend is not. We’ve talked about it and while he’s not ready for me to date others or go off with others, he accepts me for who I am.
Be happy
Be happy 7 kun oldin
The polyamorous guy is really level headed. Staying open minded is key; people tend to change their preferences and it's just natural. Being labelled by an idea can be harmful to anyone. If you and your partner both discuss and agree on a monogamous or a polyamorous relationship then it should be no problem to those whom are not concerned in the relationship. As long as both people in the relationship come to an agreement, do whatever makes you happy.
LaRue Sensei
LaRue Sensei 7 kun oldin
poly hoes
Andrew Dougherty
Andrew Dougherty 7 kun oldin
By far one of the nicest groups of people that have been on this show. Not speaking over expert and well spoken.
Katie Frasher
Katie Frasher 7 kun oldin
I'm 29 and my parents have been married for 34years and haven't had multiple partners!
Marquise Murrell
Marquise Murrell 7 kun oldin
I agree with everyone in this video because the overall message is that its your life and you can decide what you want to do with it.
Ashley B
Ashley B 7 kun oldin
To say you feel incomplete without your partner is admitting emotionally dependency. My goal is to love and grow by myself and be 100% in love with me alone. If a partner can come and add to my growth and love me as my complete self then great! But if he were to be gone . I’ll be whole by myself eitherway!
Ravyn Pierce
Ravyn Pierce 7 kun oldin
Love how the woman in the orange blouse touched on the evolutionary aspect of it all. It is weird that we are almost all monogamous but I guess there's enough of us to be able to do that.
Tygar space
Tygar space 7 kun oldin
I didn't like that she said that there is no discussion in monogamous relationships and that it's all determined and non - discussable because that's just simply not true. In my opinion a lot of people in these kinds of relationships have different agreements on what they think is acceptable and what isn't. Nobody is forced to be in a monogamous relationship (at least usually). I feel like she's too anti, she says that she's open (minded) when in fact she really isn't. She talks as if her points are ultimate and that other opinions are irrelevant.
GibsonSGfan462 666
GibsonSGfan462 666 7 kun oldin
*Modern Society is filled with degenerate hyper sexual consumers who are oblivious to the fact that their existence ultimately only serves the ones controlling the system.* There is way more to life than sex, because ultimately sex is for creating offspring only. This is a prime example of ego-centric behavior. Polyamory is for defective people, who are unfortunately so warped inside that they never feel satisfaction of any kind. Kind of like a hard drug addict, constantly chasing the next highest high.
Ross
Ross 7 kun oldin
For a guy, being in a polyamorous relationship is being a cuck.
TechHead7
TechHead7 7 kun oldin
When u looked at the girl all i could think of was 'Oh.... My.... God.... Chandler Bing
Acacia Winter
Acacia Winter 8 kun oldin
"I think most of us have 10 friends, 20 friends..." I'm over here with 3. Yeeeep, I'm cut out for monogamy.
Egg Salad
Egg Salad 8 kun oldin
The Russian redhead is so cute
Egg Salad
Egg Salad 8 kun oldin
I get the vibe that all the polyamorous people had really f*cked up childhoods
Emma
Emma 8 kun oldin
I definitely believe you can be in love with more than one person at once. For myself, it's to varying degrees, meaning, as mentioned in the video, that I'd end up ranking people. I can see this possibly hurting someone in the long run, though, which is why I don't consider myself poly-amorous..
Courtney Larry
Courtney Larry 8 kun oldin
You see monogamy all throughout the animal kingdom. Saying polyamory is biological or even primal is ridiculous.
Brigen Mucaj
Brigen Mucaj 8 kun oldin
Low life scumbag people hopefully God kills all of them
Jordyn Elliott
Jordyn Elliott 8 kun oldin
I feel as if the polyamorous people were constantly playing the defense.
jenn patterson
jenn patterson 8 kun oldin
What website would be the best place to find poly people
snowleopard89
snowleopard89 8 kun oldin
I guess the main issue I see with this, and the statement I highly disagree with is being a positive thing, is loving ourselves. It’s easy to “love ourself.” Humanity is innately selfish. I can see having confidence as a positive thing but they seem to just be referring to selfishness/own happiness behaviors. It is more beautiful, more difficult, a healthier way of growth to be a loving servant of others than of myself. I’d rather be in a relationship where I’m not constantly concerned with my own happiness, but be a life partner to another person who can grow with me and challenge each other to be in service of others.
Ibrahim
Ibrahim 8 kun oldin
I thought 1+1 is = 2 😐
Josh Reyes
Josh Reyes 9 kun oldin
skank
fairyysalad
fairyysalad 9 kun oldin
i still think its kinky :/
Offbeat Black Gerl
Offbeat Black Gerl 9 kun oldin
You have to do what's best for you. What kind of relationship fits you? Whatever that is find a partner that matches that.
Abadan Beginyazova
Abadan Beginyazova 9 kun oldin
Shan is a qveeen
ILoveMyDog
ILoveMyDog 9 kun oldin
People forget that love is a feeling and the way someone feels is unique to them. You don't experience love the same way anyone else does. Telling someone that the way they love is wrong or unnatural, and if they disagree they must have been "brainwashed" by society or by their own selfishness, is SO small minded. Both sides of this argument (in general and in the video initially) are trying to impose their own experience on someone else and validate their point by trying to pin negative characteristics onto the other's way of life. Language is finite and doesn't do the best job in describing such personalized emotions like love, so of course people disagree if your love is even slightly different their own. Personally, my ideal standard for love would be to invest my love into one person. For me love is like the nucleus of an atom, the different parts of my love are held together with a force so powerful that it cannot be so easily divided (ugh corny!!!lol but true). But that's me... It's different for others AND THAT'S OK.
Mbalu Skye
Mbalu Skye 9 kun oldin
so insightful
excercise excercise
Do what makes u comfortable. As for me I will never share no thanks
YadaGamer
YadaGamer 9 kun oldin
What does breaking Benjamin think ?
TaeTaeLuv
TaeTaeLuv 9 kun oldin
Polyamory is just plain wrong and inhumane. I feel like all the polyamorous people just want all the attention they can get from people
Queen of the Nile
Queen of the Nile 9 kun oldin
Wow! Wow! Amazing. I am so happy that we can now handle the discussion in sensitive topics in life openly and with respect to each other’s opinion’s and believe. Wonderful guys, amazing job. I really enjoyed it And what the girl said in the min 20:10 was more than brilliant deep thoughts. Thank you for your effort
rainbow4w
rainbow4w 9 kun oldin
Love the points made on both sides. Both kinds of relationships I think have their own problems. Learning to love yourself is a big help in both I think.
WeeWaa13
WeeWaa13 9 kun oldin
I love the point made about how the people in a relationship equal another thing, not adding or taking away from each other’s beings. Honestly, what shows a healthy relationship to me is that you can still function as a whole person without your partner(s). I think being so connected to another person that you can no longer get by without them wouldn’t be healthy. Like she said, you can feel sad without them, but not like your missing a part of yourself.
WeeWaa13
WeeWaa13 9 kun oldin
“A good sex life is necessary for a good relationship” Me, an asexual: *spontaneously combusts*
Brooke Meadow
Brooke Meadow 9 kun oldin
I totally agree with the last thing said. I’m a relationship there is 1+1=3. You can’t love someone until you love yourself. You can’t appreciate someone until you appreciate yourself. You don’t hop into relationships to get someone to help you out with your issues. A relationship is not about helping heal another person. So, when the relationship ends if it does, then there are still two whole people left and the “spouse” relationship disappears and there will be sadness and pain, but you are still supposed to be able to be you and live and love on.
Tiarra Morrow
Tiarra Morrow 9 kun oldin
According to science you cannot be "in love" with multiple people at the same time. Your brain does not work like that. You can love many people at once, you love your family and friends. But in love? Nope.
monika senpai
monika senpai 10 kun oldin
i think you can! if everyone in the relationship agrees then it should be fine! it’s a way to be free in a relationship, i mean i would be fine with it. so if you wanna do that hmu i’m open to anyone @_peytonrev on ig;) this is an ad for me to find a s/o please hmu
roy romano
roy romano 10 kun oldin
Poly is not a thing. Those people are not people.
Karen
Karen 10 kun oldin
Ryan is a treasure of a man. His wife is a lucky gal to have him. I hope to find someone like him :) You can see how devoted he is to her
Niffler1997
Niffler1997 10 kun oldin
I want to find one person to love and to love me. I don't need multiple people, I just need one to love and loves me back. Only one. I'd love to have a relationship where the love is still there when we are very old. In regards the comment about multiple friends, I don't have multiple friends. I have many acquaintances but one close friend, that's fine for me and is the same in regards a boyfriend/husband.
Rabid Pogoista
Rabid Pogoista 10 kun oldin
People can choose what they want as far as I'm concerned, but I can't help but notice how narcissistic the polyamory crew are coming across. Just sayin'.
Caley Blythe
Caley Blythe 10 kun oldin
Her description of an open relationship is awesome. It's just about having the freedom to be who you are and your partner being open to hearing you out instead of boxing you in.
BJ D
BJ D 10 kun oldin
not against polyamory, but i think the poly guy's previous partners "ruined" her
S O
S O 10 kun oldin
Polygamy is just a big no no , it’s wrong in many ways.. if u truly loved somebodys thats just it , but if you feel like you find your needs in a few different people you dont have really somebody thats yours u just fuvk around talk around live around while u could have 1 true love ! So polygamy is nonsense and all about sex
Erin McNeely
Erin McNeely 10 kun oldin
choosing to have multiple partners also does not mean your current partner lacks something
Erin McNeely
Erin McNeely 10 kun oldin
"be the best for one person" no be the best for YOURSELF, then the love from someone else is natural
MischievousKittie
MischievousKittie 10 kun oldin
I am monogamous, and I wanted to jump through the screen and get into the debate, with fellow monogamous participants . They both make great points , but limiting yourself into a small box of intimacy. You don't need to control, and micromanage your partner and not have them close and share themselves with people because you have these sense of entitlement. to me that's not love that's ownership, autonomy means you love yourself and them to be themselves always. Interesting I found myself 98% on the poly participants side. They made more realistic sense to me. I felt bad the internal shame the gentleman placed on himself.
Alyssa Vela
Alyssa Vela 10 kun oldin
bet those poly ppl went and did it after this.
Watermaya
Watermaya 11 kun oldin
12:43 big part of her life but the last to step ahead
Keyingisi